


Dreaming of a Green Christmas

by Readerofmuch



Category: Wolf 359 - Fandom
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, Gen, Gift Fic, Hilbert is an idiot, Plant monster weirdness, working together to work things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-05 23:23:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5394074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Readerofmuch/pseuds/Readerofmuch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You guys remember the season finale where everything was wrapped up nicely, Hilbert's secret started to be revealed and Doug was completely fine? Yeah, me neither. </p><p>This is my take of what would have happened if all of that had happened. Gift fic for Neeble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreaming of a Green Christmas

On the Hephaestus, Christmas was going well. It was nice to take a break from the constant threat of death. The whole station was festive. The bridge was covered in Christmas lights glowing red and green. Honestly, it was a nice break from the usual alarm light red and radioactive, possibly exploding shuttle core green. Minkowski was pulling out the food packets and Lovelace and Hilbert glared at each other when they thought she wasn’t looking. The only one missing was a certain communications officer. Minkowski was not happy.  
“Hilbert, you were with Eiffel earlier. Where is he?”  
Lovelace nodded.  
“We’re going to have to start without him.”  
“Don’t worry commander, he’s on his way,” reassured Hera.   
Minkowski sighed in exasperation  
“What’s taking him so long?”  
Hilbert looked sheepish.  
“Well…”  
2 HOURS EARLIER   
Eiffel was whining. Hera was only barely tolerating it.  
“The star isn’t dressed up for Christmas! Why do I have to?”  
“The star is affected b-by cosmological phenomena. Y-you are not. “  
Eiffel snorted.   
“True. I’m going to go, uh, check the power levels of the, um, thing. In the room.”  
And he left, for legitimate reasons. Definitely not fuming. Nope. Eiffel was very rational. Besides, there was a warning light flashing on his control board. A minor blip with the communications array needed fixing. Grumbling, he headed towards the lab. There was no way he’d be able to fix this on his own. He put a comm through to Hilbert.  
“Hey Doom, need your help.”  
“Officer Eiffel! What can I do for you this fine day?”  
Eiffel rolled his eyes.  
“There’s a breakdown in- hang on. What IS that?”  
Eiffel flicked the off the comm and pulled himself into the engineering bay. Sticking out of the vent was a small, leafy green tendril. It waved gently and Eiffel poked it. It wiggled at him and disappeared down the vent. A few seconds later, it poked back up and wiggled again. Follow me it seemed to say. Eyebrow raised, Eiffel unscrewed the panel and followed the plant monster deep into the ventilation maze. Following the vine he wound his way through the darkened vents.  
When the tendril stopped, Eiffel found himself in front of a battered ventilation panel. This part of the station was completely quiet except for eerie creaking noises coming from the room ahead. The panel was lit from behind in a pale, washed out glow. He gulped.  
“Well, here goes nothing. Who ya gonna call, right?”  
Eiffel pushed the panel off with an ominous groan. In front of him was…  
“Woah, what IS this place?”  
The entire room was draped in vines and tendrils, most budding with small, whit bulbs lit from the inside. In the middle of the room was the plant monster itself, rooted in a small mound of floating soil.   
“I think that’s some sort of… bioluminescence? Maybe?”  
He pushed off the wall and floated close to the mound of dirt.  
“This is amazing!”  
He laughed out loud at the sheer beauty of it all. While he was distracted, the plant monster turned itself towards him. Eiffel found face to giant, toothy mouth with the plant monster. He put his hands up in an attempt to pacify him.  
“Hey there, giant scary plant monster. Um, please don’t eat me?”  
The plant monster opened its mouth and shook its main blossom (head?) back and forth.   
“Okay. Okay. So, not eating me is a good start. Now, let’s see. Why am I here Jaws?”  
The plant monster was silent and Eiffel took the opportunity to look around the room again. The floor was carpeted with thick moss and dotted with white flowers. The few flowers that were open emanated a faint blue light.   
“Man, this place keeps getting better and better.”  
Suddenly, the door slid open and in came Hilbert.  
“Officer Eiffel! I came as soon as you disconnected. Officer Eiffel, you must escape! Specimen 34 is… nearby…”  
“No shit Doc. Now you need to be very, very, very careful. If you make one wrong- AAAAGH!”  
The tendrils were writhing. Eiffel and Hilbert were both being held firmly up against the wall. The plant monster opened his giant, yellow-green eye and Hilbert began to speak in a voice that was not his own.  
“THE BLESSED ETERNAL CAME TO OFFER PEACE TO THE HUMANS BUT YOU HUMANS BRING ONLY PAIN TO THE BLESSED ETERNAL. YOU MUST BE DESTROYED.”  
“Woah, okay. Little over dramatic though. What’s next, ‘feed me’?”  
The plant monster rolled its head in amusement.   
“THE BLESSED ETERNAL DOES NOT SUBSIST ON YOR FRAIL HUMAN FLESH. THE BLESSED ETERNAL IS FAR SUPERIOR TO THE CARNIVORVES.”  
“Okay, this is bad… Hey, Blessed Eternal!”  
The eye turned its focus away from Hilbert.   
“How about we talk about this?”  
While the plant monster considered, Hilbert called out urgently to Eiffel.  
“Officer Eiffel, what is this madness? Specimen 34 is nothing more than a monster, incapable of reason.”  
The ‘monster’ tightened its grip on the scientist and he gasped. His face started turning red, rapidly darkening to blue.  
“He didn’t mean it! I swear, he just doesn’t know you yet. Please, you’re going to kill him!”  
Specimen 34 loosened its grip, allowing Hilbert to take in huge gulps of air.   
“Eiffel-“  
“Can it Doofensmirtz. You’re 0 for 1 here, so why don’t you let me deal with your nemesis.”  
Hilbert nodded, though his face clearly showed the he was Not Happy with this development.  
“Thank you. Blessed Eternal, Specimen 34, whatever your name is, I want to talk to you.”  
The eye started moving towards Hilbert and Eiffel shook his head.  
“Not like this. Let us go, so we can talk as equals.”  
The plant monster slowly unravelled the vines around Eiffel.   
“Well that’s a start. Now how about releasing the good Doctor?”  
The blessed Eternal spoke through Hilbert’s mouth.  
“THE BLESSED ETERNAL KEEPS THIS SCIENTIST SO THAT YOU SHALL NOT RUN.”  
“Um, you know we’re in space, right? I can’t ‘run’ anywhere, except on Minkowski’s stupid treadmill.”  
The plant did not respond and Eiffel sighed.  
“Okay, fair enough. Why did you bring me here?”  
“THE BLESSED ETERNAL HAS SEEN THE CELEBRATION. THE BLESSED ETERNAL DOES NOT WANT TO BE ALONE.”  
The plant loosened its hold on Hilbert but continued using his voice.   
“THE BLESSED ETERNAL IS… THE BLESSED ETERNAL IS LONELY. THE BLESSED ETERNAL DID NOT MEAN TO CAUSE HARM.”  
Eiffel smiled.  
“Don’t worry about it buddy. We all get lonely sometimes. Never thought I’d say this, but can I have Hilbert back? We’ve got some planning to do.”   
Hilbert gasped as Specimen 34 released him.   
“Eiffel, we’ve got to get out of here.”  
“Actually doc, I’ve got a better idea.”  
PRESENT   
“It’s a long story,” said Hilbert, “Rest assured that he will be here very soon.”  
It was barely a minute before the door whooshed open. Eiffel floated through the door. A green tendril poked out from the vent as he passed and Minkowski gasped before she could stop herself. Lovelace chuckled and Eiffel cleared his throat before a fist fight could break out.   
“Are we gonna start the meal?”  
There was a general murmur of agreement around the table as Minkowski passed around the various freeze dried packets of deliciousness and liquid pouches of MuchYum™. They didn’t have, or really need, a table. There was no carving of the turkey and no tree with twinkling lights. They had one hell of a star, but it didn’t really count.   
The meal was peaceful. Old grudges were forgotten and religious differences were set aside for the all too short holiday meal. After, there were presents. Minkowski had novelty socks, bookmarks and cute hats made by hand. Hera read a poem or a quote for each person. Even Lovelace deactivated the bomb on her wrist. Finally, it was Eiffel’s turn.  
“So, you all know I’m not much for Christmas.”  
There was a general murmur of ascent and Eiffel fiddled idly with his Star of David pendant as he continued.   
“This Christmas though, I made a friend.”  
He could see Minkowski nudging Hilbert. She was talking through gritted teeth.  
“Is this Decima or just Eiffel?”  
He smiled.  
“You will see.”  
Eiffel led the group on through the vent. Minkowski and Lovelace were concerned, but only Hera was brave enough to be the voice of the group.  
“Officer Eiffel? A-Are you sure you know wh-where you’re going?”  
He didn’t say a word, but led them grimly onward. Finally, they arrived. Minkowski gasped the loudest.  
Doug nodded at the plant.   
“I agree to this completely and of my own free will, just an FYI.”  
He cleared his throat and turned towards the plant.   
“THE BLESSED ETERNAL IS ALONE. THE BLESSED ETERNAL DOES NOT LIKE TO BE ALONE.”  
Minkowski paled and Lovelace’s fingers twitched like she was fighting the urge to draw a gun she wasn’t carrying. Hilbert stepped forward.  
“I know Specimen 34 can be… alarming but you have nothing to fear from him. Officer Eiffel trusts it and so do I, though that means little to you. It doesn’t want to be alone. This, I can understand.”  
There was moment of silence. Hilbert sighed.  
“You have given me another chance. Why not give Specimen 34 another chance as well?”  
Minkowski drew breath to reply. Hera beat her to the punch.  
“C-commander, p-please? No one here is p-perfect. We’ve all d-done and said things we w-wish we hadn’t. None of us would be here if it weren’t for s-second chances.”  
Minkowski smiled grudgingly at her crew.  
“What can I say? No one should be alone for Christmas, after all.”


End file.
